Friday, June 10, 2005

My mind is weird

I've concluded that I have poor ability at empathy. In particular, some people cannot handle how I act when I have to depend on them. I treat someone the way I would expect to be treated in a similar situation, and many times not how they want to be treated. And this is not good for many people. How I act when I have to depend on someone is to politely use their resources and attention, basically leaning very heavily on that person. Also, my borrow/lend policy is that one shouldn't expect to get something back. Now, if I borrow something, I of course always give it back. But I'm very loose in general with things. In fact, most things I lend out don't get back to me. And you know what? I forget about them, unless they're very important. But with things like books, CDs, etc., I forget I lent them, and if I remember that I lent it I tend not to care that I don't have it. I just buy another if I really want it. I've gone through at least 4 copies of Ender's Game :-P. Likewise, if someone needs me in some other way, as in transportation or lodging or whatnot, they're going to get everything I've got, and I won't expect much in return except friendship and politeness, etc... Financially, if I buy something for a friend, then I assume that in the end, everything will come out even, and I don't keep track of how much people owe me except that they do owe me something and a rough estimate of the amount. I tend to like people who have a similar policy and I don't care if I pay someone back more than they lent me.

Living with Matt is cool because he's this way. We switch off with paying for things, and we don't scrutinize the amounts at all. If either of us needs a favor of the other, we gladly do it with very little complaining :-P

I have needed to rely on people more than others have had to rely on me in recent years, given my various situations, and sometimes people have gotten angry with me because of how I depend on people. I wish people could depend on me more in the future, with me having to depend on people less. I pray to God for this, and I think in the future I will try to not rely on certain types of people as much, if I can help it.


Rach said...

Well my love, I think that people depend on you more than you think. You are available to others in ways that aren't tangible. People depend on your time, your advice, your companionship, and your strength in ways that you don't consider, probably because they are subtle and because you're a good person you don't relish in your good deeds to others. I know that I depend on you for all those things I mentioned and more. And I know for a fact that people depend on you for getting out of sticky car situations, hehe. I love your weird mind!

Anonymous said...

I think weird and unique are pretty much the same thing. God made us all unique and different so don't feel too bad about have a weird mind :p

How ya doin Drew.