Friday, June 10, 2005

My mind is weird

I've concluded that I have poor ability at empathy. In particular, some people cannot handle how I act when I have to depend on them. I treat someone the way I would expect to be treated in a similar situation, and many times not how they want to be treated. And this is not good for many people. How I act when I have to depend on someone is to politely use their resources and attention, basically leaning very heavily on that person. Also, my borrow/lend policy is that one shouldn't expect to get something back. Now, if I borrow something, I of course always give it back. But I'm very loose in general with things. In fact, most things I lend out don't get back to me. And you know what? I forget about them, unless they're very important. But with things like books, CDs, etc., I forget I lent them, and if I remember that I lent it I tend not to care that I don't have it. I just buy another if I really want it. I've gone through at least 4 copies of Ender's Game :-P. Likewise, if someone needs me in some other way, as in transportation or lodging or whatnot, they're going to get everything I've got, and I won't expect much in return except friendship and politeness, etc... Financially, if I buy something for a friend, then I assume that in the end, everything will come out even, and I don't keep track of how much people owe me except that they do owe me something and a rough estimate of the amount. I tend to like people who have a similar policy and I don't care if I pay someone back more than they lent me.

Living with Matt is cool because he's this way. We switch off with paying for things, and we don't scrutinize the amounts at all. If either of us needs a favor of the other, we gladly do it with very little complaining :-P

I have needed to rely on people more than others have had to rely on me in recent years, given my various situations, and sometimes people have gotten angry with me because of how I depend on people. I wish people could depend on me more in the future, with me having to depend on people less. I pray to God for this, and I think in the future I will try to not rely on certain types of people as much, if I can help it.

Monday, June 06, 2005

The Roadtrip

So the road trip ended, my roommate went back to Champaign, and I'm in New Jersey sitting in my AT&T office with nothing to do :-)

I think the highlights of the trip were going to Cheers in Boston, going to the Public Garden in Boston, going to the Botanic Gardens in DC, and going to the Orioles baseball game.

The trip was very good, and Wookkyun got to see many of our country's finest places, and was repeatedly awed at the landscapes, skyscrapers, museums, etc...
It was extremely stressful for me though. We had to walk for many hours to get to all the sites he wanted to visit, so the end of the trip was a relief for me and I got to slack off at my uncle's house, and hang out with my friends, family, and especially my lovely Rachel :-)

I've rented a place with Matt in Newark, NJ. The neighborhood is not good, and the apartment isn't very good either, but it's cheap, the landlords are very nice and generous, and I get to be with my friend, which I haven't been able to do a lot the last few years since we've been in different states.

The AT&T complex here is beautiful and so is the surrounding area, full of trees and nice houses and shopping centers. It's the sort of place I like to be, in general. It makes me feel comfortable. I grew up in a place like this, and definitely not in a place like downtown Newark. I went out to lunch with the people I'll be working with, and 2/3 are left-handed! Four of us sitting around the table at K.O.B.E. Japanese restaurant and I notice 3/4 of us are using our left hands. Weird.

I also got a nice tour of the facility, which is primarily devoted to research. The security is very tight here and this place is definitely the real thing in terms of research. Top of the line systems running massive computations. Server rooms kept at cold temperatures, all combination locked. You have to have an ID to be in the building, and I'll be getting my badge in a few days supposedly. There's a gym, shops, a bank, and a nice courtyard for when I won't feel like an ant under a magnifying glass when I'm outside.

I'll be working on something dealing with automatic text capitalization here, for their closed captioning system. I don't know much else though. The people I work with research real-time analysis and feedback from broadcasts, in video imaging and speech recognition.

Rachel and I can visit each other more now, too :-) And since she's going to be starting grad school at University of Cincinnati, we can see each other more during the school year too! Still 3 1/2 hours' drive away, but that's not too bad, compared to 12 hours.

Well, doesn't my life sound interesting right now?